26 Reasons Kids (Or Anyone) Should Not Be Allowed On BuzzFeed

After seeing BuzzFeed’s “26 Reasons Kids Should Not Be Allowed On Facebook” post, I couldn’t help myself. It was yet another one of those stories that pulls a bait-and-switch, cleverly I’ll admit, and made me feel dumb for getting sucked into such stupid stuff, along with feeling despair that is this really where journalism is heading, feeling cynical knowing plenty of journalism has always been this way and semi-mirthful in having some laughs.

Fight your way through that sentence? Then here are 26 reasons you shouldn’t read BuzzFeed:

1) An article about why you shouldn’t do parkour over a cop? Really? Well, if it was on YouTube…. You know who could pull that off, by the way? Schmidt from New Girl. Parkour!

2) A three-year-old who can’t miss hitting baseballs. Hey, if only I could hit this way. Or hit. See also, well, if it was on YouTube.

3) 21 pictures of people wearing bad overalls. Because 10 or 20 pics would be too even. And because, um, seriously, how did this become a story?

4) 19 instances of real March Madness. Because people are searching for March Madness, right now, SO WILL SOMEONE WRITE US A MARCH MADNESS STORY ABOUT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW SO WE GET THAT SEARCH TRAFFIC? PS: Make sure you don’t use an even number.

5) 18 things that Season 2 of Girls taught us. Because even numbers aren’t bad. Just numbers that end in 5 or 0. Oh, and that I really need to watch season one.

6) A kitten that sounds like a goat. Because it’s on YouTube, and it’s cute. And anything on YouTube that is cute must be fully documented by BuzzFeed. “All The YouTube That’s Fit To Blog.”

7) Reasons why In-N-Out is better than Five Guys. Amazingly, a missed opportunity to say “# of reasons” in the headline. And c’mon. They’re both good. Five Guys has better fries; if you’re at In-N-Out, ask for them lightly fried, and you’ll be happier.

Oh, were you really expecting 26 reasons? Yeah. No. I think you got plenty. Now I have to go back to both hating myself for even following the damn site on Twitter and admiring that someone out there is out-Business Insidering Business Insider. Or HuffPo.