All I wanted to do was share a funny “Downton Abbey Meets Spike TV” skit that was on Saturday Night Live this week. Unfortunately, there’s no authorized version of the sketch online from NBCUniversal. That made me hesitate, but apparently it wasn’t a problem for iVillage, an NBCUniversal-owned site. Nor was it an issue for Time, owned by internet piracy hating Time Warner. Come along. This is a sad tour of failure all around.

NBC: No Skit For You

You’d think the sketch would be available on the SNL site itself. You’d be wrong. Here’s what I see at the moment on the video page:

The skit’s not listed.

Hulu: No Sketch For You

Well, how about Hulu, which has the awesome ability to let you share particular segments out of a full-length episode. Here’s the “full-length” episode of SNL from this weekend at Hulu, with this message at the bottom:

The message reads:

Full episodes of SNL consist of material that is cleared for online streaming. Some sketches and musical performances may be omitted due to various restrictions.

As it turns out, the Downton Abbey skit appears to be one of those omitted sketches. I went through the episode that Hulu provides and couldn’t find it.

Is It Available Anywhere?

Oh dear. I’m unable to share that sketch legally, it appears. Or at least share it in a way that wouldn’t get challenged by NBCUniversal as not being fair use. You know, like this example that was put on YouTube:

That, of course, hasn’t stopped others from doing so. Here are plenty of places the video is available, as found through Google Video:

Time (Of Time Warner): We’ll Give It To You

Look at the second listing. See the URL, newsfeed.time.com. Yes, as in Time.com. As in Time, the magazine and online web site owned by Time Warner — which backed the SOPA anti-piracy bill. What do we find there? This:

There’s the skit! It’s not hosted by Time (of Time Warner) itself. Rather, it’s hosted on Google’s YouTube. Time is simply embedding the clip, on a page with Google ads at the bottom (those are the “Sponsored Links” that are showing).

So Time is helping support the same type of unauthorized posting of content that its parent Time Warner is concerned about — and happy to blame Google for — and doing all this while earning some money from Google.

More Media Outlets Will Give It To You

Hmm. If Time Warner-owned Time did this, could any other media outlets have done so? Yes. Here’s a short list:

• The Huffington Post
• Perez Hilton
• MSNBC
• The Los Angeles Times
• The Philadelphia Inquirer
• Radio Times
• TV.com (owned by CBS)
• iVillage (owned by NBCUniversal)

iVillage (of NBCUniversal) Will Give It To You

Wait. iVillage is owned by NBCUniversal? You mean that NBCUniversal might be argued to have helped pirate itself?

You betcha. Here’s the page:

There’s the unauthorized video, embedded at the bottom of a story on an NBCUniversal web site.

But Back At NBC: No Skit For You

Hey, how about watching the skit as part of the full-length episode that NBC provides on its own site? It doesn’t appear you can do that, either. I’ve gone through it (and sat through the same “Star Wars: The Old Republic” ad about 10 times in doing so). That sketch doesn’t appear to be there. Why not? Apparently, it didn’t air on the West Coast — that might be part of all this.

The Fail Recap

Have you kept up with all the fail going on here? Let me recap:

• No one can watch the sketch as part of the episode NBC/Universal provided for free on broadcast TV, because it’s been cut
• No one can share an authorized version of the sketch, because NBC/Universal hasn’t yet provided one
• Those paying for Hulu Plus can’t even view the clip through one of NBC/Universal’s authorized channels
• Media outlets wanting to write about it, not having an authorized version, effectively said screw it, we’ll link to an unauthorized one
• One of those media outlets was owned by Time Warner, a major opponent of online piracy
• Another of those media outlets was owned by NBC/Universal, so effectively helped promote piracy of NBC/Universal’s own content.

Now Enjoy Until It Gets Pulled

Now go watch the sketch while you can, which was damn funny. Three daughters. One hot. One way hot. And the other one:

Click here to view the embedded video.

Postscript: See Why You Can’t See SNL’s Great “Game of Thrones” Sketch On NBC.com on AllThingsD for what likely happened to the SNL Downton Abbey skit — probably pulled over some rights issue. I did try for an answer from NBC, but they never answered.

Rupert, my son had a simple request. “Daddy, can we watch last week’s episode of The Simpsons?” No, son, we can’t. You can blame Rupert Murdoch for that.

Rupert, I know you’re all upset about all those SOPA & PIPA protests last week. Why, without them, how will you keep all your shows from being accessible to people who just want to pirate them for free through things like Google TV.

Here’s the thing. Go look in a mirror. See that guy looking back at you? Put a big dose of the blame on him. Because he makes people like me, who are already paying you three times to watch The Simpsons, to end up thinking maybe you just really want us to watch pirated content instead.

Pay You Three Times, Shame On Me

That’s right. I pay you three times for The Simpsons. First, I get it broadcast over the air. That’s me paying you for it, because the airwaves are mine — not yours. You’re simply allowed to lease them from the public. You’re getting a piece of that spectrum from me. In return, I expect you to deliver me valuable content through it. Well done with The Simpsons.

But you know, it’s easy to miss things broadcast live over the air. Also, my signal is pretty bad. So I pay a second time, to DirecTV, to get exactly the same content you send over the air to me through satellite TV. I get a better picture. I get the ability to DVR episodes to watch later. And I pay something like $125 per month for my subscription, some of which goes into your pocket.

That brings me to my third way of paying: Hulu Plus. I don’t DVR everything. Somehow, I missed The Simpsons when it started up again this fall. But Hulu Plus has turned into a lifesaver in these cases. It has let me catch-up on programs. It’s been well worth the $7 per month I pay for it, some of which, again, goes directly into your pocket.

The Simpsons: Web Only?

And now to tonight. My son fired up Hulu Plus, so we could watch The Simpsons, as we have in the past. But no luck — he got a “web only” message. Turns out, I discovered after doing a little searching with your least favorite search engine, last year you started limited next-day episodes.

Whatever you did, it’s clearly gotten worse. Apparently, I can’t watch it on Hulu at all through my TV:

Despite paying for Hulu Plus, I cannot watch The Simpson on any device like my Roku player that is designed to play The Simpsons direct to my TV.

I gather this is because you don’t want me to buy Hulu Plus and stop paying for DirecTV, right? I get that. But it’s not like I have the same option to watch archived episodes on DirecTV, If they’re offered on demand, they are impossible to find.

I can’t even authorize my Hulu account to know that I’m paying DirecTV already, as I apparently could if I had a Dish account. Why not? Who knows. You or DirecTV or Hulu are all probably fighting with each other over rights issues.

But hey, it’s not like I can get HBO GO on my Hulu, either. Despite paying for HBO through DirecTV, they don’t let me enable my Roku with it, either.

Lesson? Search For TV On The Web

Now what have you taught my 13 year old, who wants to watch last week’s episode? That he should fire up his computer, because if he does that — and sits through the 2 minute load time for The Simpsons web site, you’ll give him the episode for free.

Why would you do this? Think. What’s a teenager like him likely to do, if they’re looking for The Simpsons, if you don’t offer it through easy, safe, direct-to-TV options like my Roku? He’ll search for it through things like Google and perhaps find it, in this case. But if you don’t offer it, since you’ve driven him and other kids to think they should search, maybe they’ll keep searching until they find some place that does offer it.

Now, if I really wanted to watch last week’s episode, on my TV and without firing up my laptop and digging out the HDMI cable, I could buy it from Amazon or Apple iTunes. But don’t you think paying four times for the same content is a bit much?

Blocking TV Devices Promotes The Piracy You Hate

Let me end with Google TV. Remember at CES? How upset you were to learn (you’re just learning this?), that if someone searches for video content on Google TV, they might reach pirated content?

Hey, I’ve used Google TV from the beginning, from before you and the other networks blocked it. Before you did this, the Google TV search results sent me directly to your web site, where I could watch your content directly from you, exactly as I could if I wanted to hook-up my computer to my TV. That’s because, after all, Google TV is really just a really small computer.

Thanks to your blocking, they don’t even bother to list your site, because why do it? It’s not like it works for those who use it. Instead, it pretty much searches the web — which lists things you might not like.

It’s not right, Rupert. Finding the TV content I want shouldn’t be this complicated, especially for someone who is actually paying you. Fix it.

I’ve watched the BBC — the real BBC — for over 20 years. The ersatz “BBC America” that we get here in the United States has so little to do with the real BBC that I almost wish someone would file a false advertising lawsuit against it. On the off chance anyone from the real BBC care about the fake BBC you export to the the US, some thoughts on how there could be less suckage.

HD: Perhaps you’re aware that there’s this thing called high-definition television. It’s where the picture is crisp and sharp. I know that the BBC has it back in Britain. Would it be so hard to actually use it when you air things here? Why, oh why, does so much of what you show have to be in fuzzy SD? Are we not worthy of HD? Remember the Royal Wedding? We had to turn to American networks rather than you to see that properly. I don’t know why you aren’t doing this yet with DirecTV but fix it.

Less Doctor Who: I know Doctor Who is a big hit. But it seems like whenever I’m tuning it, that’s all your showing, unless….

Less Top Gear: I freaking love Top Gear. But seriously, you’re showing 7 hours of it today. Is there anything else made by the BBC other than Doctor Who and Top Gear?

Less “Insert Overplayed Show” Here: Today, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare gets 7 hours of airtime. Tomorrow there’s another 9 hours. It’s like an 8-Track tape that just keep restarting for this show and others. Do you actually have anyone thinking about programming? Or it is effectively shove in a DVD of some series and set it running?

Less Non-British Shows: Why are you showing X-Files? Yeah, I know Gillian Anderson lives in the UK now, but does any slight connection with Britain make something eligible for your channel? And Star Trek: The Next Generation? Patrick Stewart give you the qualifier there? Clash Of The Titans, the Harry Hamlin version? You’re killing me.

More British Shows You Don’t Show: You know, it’s not Christmas really if I can’t tune-in to see who’d going to die on EastEnders. OK, I’m more a Corrie person than EastEnders, and I haven’t watched either for years. But there’s no place for your long-running soap opera in your schedule? One Top Gear slot couldn’t be lost? And maybe you could air “Have I Got News For You” here? Because yes, even Americans would find that funny.

More British Shows You DO Show: Here’s what especially ticked me off today. You tweeted about Outcasts.

I caught the beginning of Outcasts when watching Come Fly With Me this weekend (thanks for finally getting that out to us, eventually). A little of the series came on after the end. Wow, Hermione Norris in a sci-fi flick? I’m there with no Cold Feet. But I want to see the first episode I missed. So when are you playing that again?

Flip flip flip through my program guide I go. Not forever. It’s days of Doctor Who Top Gear Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare Law & Ordre UK Graham Norton until it finally gets a repeat airing tomorrow, the again on Friday. Two single solitary repeats.

Hey, I’m glad it’s being repeated, even if they are so few that the only way for me to spot them was to go online and examine your schedule. But why so much of so much else, over and over again?

Welsh Rugby: I cannot go through another year of my half-English, half-Welsh wife screaming at you for failing to bring 6 Nations matches that involve Wales into the US. Because when it comes to rugby, she’s all Welsh. And when you air English matches but not Welsh ones, she doesn’t care — nor do many other people care — that you haven’t somehow obtained the rights. They just see you and dissing Wales. So get the rights.

Listen, this is what you tell the world on in your FAQ:

BBC AMERICA is a digital cable and satellite channel dedicated to bringing audiences a new generation of award-winning television featuring razor-sharp comedies, provocative dramas, life changing makeovers and news with a uniquely global perspective. BBC AMERICA’s programming pushes the boundaries to deliver high quality, highly addictive and eminently watchable programming to viewers who demand more.

I’m sorry, endless repeats of Top Gear and Doctor Who isn’t pushing any boundaries. Showing the X-Files & Star Trek: The Next Generation just makes you Netflix with ads. I want to love you, BBC America, but I need a little more of the BBC for that to happen.

Dear FTC. Instead of worrying about whether bloggers are disclosing all they should when writing about products, perhaps a little more attention should be focused on TV programs and product placement? This season’s 24 took things to a new level, where plot points were constructed around featuring a product. Is a tiny mention in credits at the end really disclosure enough?

I love 24. I’m sad to see it go. I’m used to exercising a huge degree of suspension of disbelief about some plot points, because I’ve enjoyed the show so much. But the plot points designed only to position products were one twist too far.

In one episode, Chloe and Arlo decide they need to work together secretly,  outside the CTU network but while within the CTU offices. “I know!,” Chloe says. “We’ll set up a mobile hotspot.” She pulls out a Sprint mobile modem, and they get working.

Um, all that modem is really designed to do is let one or more people get out on to the open web. So was she using that to go outside, then log back into CTU’s network, which they were trying to avoid in the first place?

It was a plot point solely because someone was told, “Write something in about Sprint hotspots.” It was awkward and stood out (and didn’t go unnoticed).

In the finale, Cole’s sitting in his car finishing up a phone conversation when a big truck pulls up alongside him. Ohh — something ominous? No, it was just designed so Cole had to backup his Hyundai using its rear TV camera in it to navigate away from the truck.

There was no reason for the truck to be there, other than to highlight that camera segment.

You want to show me ads during breaks in my TV shows? Fine. Want to have some products get camera time. I guess I’ll live with that. But writing the plots around products, in exchange for payment. That’s not on.

My 11 year old loves Arrested Development. He loves Lego. I guess it was inevitable the two would collide. He’s been busy constructing scenes from Arrested Development out of Lego. Here, Gob is about to make the yacht Lucille disappear:

Here, Gob is hanging out with one of the many girls of low self-esteem during Spring Break:

Here, Gob regrets letting Buster in on his magic (OK, illusion!) act:

After I posted these, he got a request on Twitter for the banana stand and Gob on his Segway. So he dived in:

Curious if others had the inspiration to combine Legos and Arrested Development, I did some searching. I’m asking to get permission to show photos for some of these. In the meantime, you can click to view those that aren’t embedded.

Here’s a nice one of George Michael in flying suit gear taking on the Tobias the Mole over the miniature village that Gob had Buster build:

The photo was taken by Jordan Chesbrough and is used with permission. The scene was created by Jon Furman.

Here’s the banana stand from Camera Wences, and used with permission:

I like Buster with a hooked hand!

From Nannan Z on Flickr (and shown with permission), here’s a huge Gob on the Segway at the construction site:

From unfulphilled on Flickr (and shown with permission), here’s one of the entire Bluth family:

Here’s another of the banana stand with a better Buster, Gob also on a Segway and with flames! The same person also has a great one of the stair car.

Another Thanksgiving in Britain, another year of missing the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade live on TV. But the webcast is happening again! You’ll find it here, and my thoughts about viewing it from abroad from last year are in my Watching The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade From Abroad post. Postscript: Damn, CNN apparently had a better quality live feed for the first time.

Postscript: Please see Watching The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2010 From Abroad for the latest info.

I’m a big 24 fan. Season 6 is well underway in the UK, and we’ve just had (SPOILER!) the president injured in a bomb blast. The vice president’s now in charge, which got me thinking. In the 24 world, being VP is nothing like that “pitcher of warm piss” that Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s vice president Jack Garner called it. In fact, if you want to be top dog, run for vice president. The prez always gets wiped out! Seriously — four vice presidents in a row have become acting president, two of them permanently. Here’s a rundown on the presidents and vice presidents of 24:

Season 1

David Palmer is a Democratic presidential candidate. The actual president is never named in the television show. Wikipedia says the Declassified series of 24 novels names Harold Barnes as president. In the Star Trek world, something isn’t “canon” (and see here) unless it happens on TV or in film. I’m following the same for the 24 world.

Season 2

President David Palmer (Democrat). Vice President is Jim Prescott. Prescott becomes acting president by invoking the 25th amendment, claiming Palmer hasn’t performed capably. Palmer is later restored to office. In the last minutes of the season, Palmer’s infected with a virus. So between season 2 and 3, Prescott takes office temporarily once again.

Season 3

President David Palmer. Vice President is Jim Prescott. And they stay that way throughout the season!

Season 4

President John Keeler (Republican). Vice President is Charles Logan. Logan becomes acting president after Air Force One is shot down.

Season 5

President Charles Logan (Republican). Vice President Hal Gardner. Logan appears to have become president because Keeler either died or was too ill to return to office (the exact reason is unclear and subject to debate). Gardner becomes president. We know this, because Logan is arrested at the end of the Season 5, so Gardner must take over.

Season 6

President Wayne Palmer (Democrat). Vice President Noah Daniels. Palmer is severely injured in a bomb blast. Daniels takes over (so far, there’s been no formal swearing in that I’ve seen, which is through 5-6pm. The US is slightly ahead, and I’m not reading up so as to avoid spoiling the plot!).

Presidential Chart

Let’s see the above in bulletpoints:

• President David Palmer (Season 2)
  • Vice President Jim Prescott (Season 2)
• Acting President Jim Prescott (Season 2)
• President John Keeler (Season 4)
  • Vice President Charles Logan (Season 4)
• Acting President Charles Logan (Season 4)
• President Charles Logan (Season 5)
  • Vice President Hal Gardner (Season 5)
• President Hal Gardner (between Season 5 & 6)
• President Wayne Palmer (Season 6)
  • Vice President Noah Daniels (Season 6)
• Acting President Noah Daniels (Season 6)

Sadly, the bulletpoints don’t show visually the stunning statistics. Every vice president has become acting president since David Palmer was first elected. Every one. Two of them — Charles Logan and Hal Gardner — moved from being just “acting” president to assuming the job formally.

I’m not a presidential succession expert, but from Wikipedia, this is an unprecedented run. OK, we haven’t had the ability for VPs to formally become acting president that long. But Wikipedia’s entries on acting president and unelected presidents don’t show me that we’ve ever had four vice presidents in a row ever get the opportunity to sit in the big chair.

Hal Gardner: 24′s Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford is unique as being the only US president to have never been elected to the office. He was appointed as vice president by Richard Nixon to replace Spiro Agnew, then took over when Nixon resigned.

Hal Gardner is Ford-like and more. Like Ford, he was appointed to the vice presidency, then become president when the president — Charles Logan — resigned (we assume Logan resigned or was impeached). But unlike Ford, he’s even more unique. Nixon — an elected president — appointed Ford. Logan was never elected president. He assumed the office by being vice president, then appointed Gardner as his new VP.

In the end, the facts are clear. Being vice president in the crazy world of 24 is serious business!

Speaking of Battlestar Galactica, at last the third season arrives in the UK.
And I mean the real third season, not that
fake third season that got me
to buy the "second season" as advertised on the DVD set when I was in the US
earlier this year. But it’s not just Battlestar that’s back. All sorts of great
American television is washing up on UK shores.

Battlestar Galactica kicks off January 9 on Sky One at 9pm. I spotted a promo
the other day. Given my bandwidth
limitations, I can’t get the Sky One site to load, but TV Genius

lists it happening them. So I guess it’s Tuesday at 9pm going forward.

Desperate Housewives kicks off tonight with its third season. Like now. Like
on TV in front of me, in a double episode. Channel 4 has info on it

here that tells you everything but when it’s on. Good job, Channel 4. Looks
like Wednesdays at 9:30pm.

Ugly Betty also comes to Channel 4 this week.

Info here, and the series
runs on Fridays at
9:30pm. Can’t wait to see it.

But wait, there’s more! New ER begins this Sunday at 10pm. Maybe that’s the
repeat for the series opener. It’s all to slow for me to tell. Check out more
from TV Genius

here. Last season was so bad we stopped watching. But if Abby’s about to
give birth…

But wait, there’s even more. The OC. New! Fourth season new! After the death
of Marissa. And how I loved Marissa. Who didn’t love her. Actually,
I grew to dislike her and
swapped allegiances to Summer who was far more with it.

Finally, it’s not American, but if you ever find a DVD for Green Wing in the
US, buy it. Fantastic UK medical comedy, completely off the wall. A special

airs tomorrow at 10pm on Channel 4. Can’t wait. I love TV!

In the other room, Celebrity Big Brother is kicking off yet another run on Channel 4 here in the UK. Like most reality TV shows, I try to remain shielded from any exposure. But my wife asked me if I like Dirk Benedict, who she informed me was now entering the house as a contestant.

Dirk Benedict? I love him! C’mon, we’re talking the original Battlestar Galactica’s Starbuck here. Forget that A-Team stuff. I might have to watch. And this all takes me back to the time I stole Dirk Benedict’s cigar.

This was way back. Way way back, like 1977 or so, just after Battlestar Galactica had come out and was a big hit. Well, a big hit to sci-fi fans. I was a big sci-fi fan, the convention-going type. Yep, me dressed as Luke Skywalker, heading around to sessions and the joy of the Dealers Room.

Dirk was one of the big stars that made it out to one of the conventions. I did the autograph line with the crowds, where he cheerfully signed for people all the while chomping on his trademark cigar.

At the end of the signing session, he headed off. And the cigar remained. I had a good friend with a huge crush on him, who hadn’t made it to this con. Cigar. Friend. Hmm. I zipped over and nabbed it from the ashtray. A few days later, it arrived at her house in Texas by mail, smelling all the way. And she loved it.

Hmm. Dirk in Celebrity Big Brother. I might have to watch!

NOTE: Please see Watching The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2010 From Abroad for the latest info.

Another Thanksgiving away from home (ie, the US), another Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade that I can’t watch on TV here in the UK. Three years ago, I missed the tradition so much that I took the family to New York so that we could watch it live from a hotel along the parade route. Well, this year’s looking a bit up. Earthcam has a live webcam of the parade route here, along with streaming video here.

Someday the television networks (I’m talking to you today, NBC) will wake up to the fact that there are more Americans living abroad than within some US states. There’s got to be some money to be made off of us by offering a simulcast of what NBC will broadcast today. More about the parade can be found on the official Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade site. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Postscript: Now that the parade has happened, I thought it would be interesting to post how it went as a webcast viewer.

First, I loaded up the stream on the family computer in our kitchen and was thrilled to see the first marching band come past. But then I realized I could probably do better by hooking up a computer to our TV.

We have an LCD TV that can take a computer video feed. So I plunked the laptop down on the floor, hooked a video cable to the TV, ran a long network cable to the computer from the router to ensure there would be no problems with our internal wireless (which can be spotty for bandwidth) and fired up the feed.

Once the video had started in the tiny window Earthcam shows, I right clicked in the window and found the actual URL. I copied and pasted that into Windows Media Player, and now I had it going in a larger window.

Next, I set Windows Media Player to show full screen, and there it was — after years of wishing, the parade live on my TV in the UK:

Blown up that large, the quality wasn’t so good. It didn’t help that the camera lens itself was covered with raindrops, blurring some of the picture:

Here’s SpongeBob. Honest, it’s him:

The kids were thrilled when the big balloons came by and you could sort of make them out. But they easily lost interest when there would be big pauses when the feed flat out stopped. That could be our poor broadband, which barely hits 1MB. But it could have been issues at the other end.

Overall, big thanks to Earthcam for making this happen. But to make it better, perhaps someone actually needs to monitor what was going out. Clean the camera lens! Someone was clearly running it, since it would occasionally zoom and move. And one last tip. When Santa comes at the end — zoom in on him, not suddenly swing to the ambulances and emergency vehicles behind!

Postscript: Please see Watching The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade 2010 From Abroad for the latest info.