Dear BBC America: Would You Please Suck Less?

I’ve watched the BBCthe real BBC — for over 20 years. The ersatz “BBC America” that we get here in the United States has so little to do with the real BBC that I almost wish someone would file a false advertising lawsuit against it. On the off chance anyone from the real BBC care about the fake BBC you export to the the US, some thoughts on how there could be less suckage.

HD: Perhaps you’re aware that there’s this thing called high-definition television. It’s where the picture is crisp and sharp. I know that the BBC has it back in Britain. Would it be so hard to actually use it when you air things here? Why, oh why, does so much of what you show have to be in fuzzy SD? Are we not worthy of HD? Remember the Royal Wedding? We had to turn to American networks rather than you to see that properly. I don’t know why you aren’t doing this yet with DirecTV but fix it.

Less Doctor Who: I know Doctor Who is a big hit. But it seems like whenever I’m tuning it, that’s all your showing, unless….

Less Top Gear: I freaking love Top Gear. But seriously, you’re showing 7 hours of it today. Is there anything else made by the BBC other than Doctor Who and Top Gear?

Less “Insert Overplayed Show” Here: Today, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare gets 7 hours of airtime. Tomorrow there’s another 9 hours. It’s like an 8-Track tape that just keep restarting for this show and others. Do you actually have anyone thinking about programming? Or it is effectively shove in a DVD of some series and set it running?

Less Non-British Shows: Why are you showing X-Files? Yeah, I know Gillian Anderson lives in the UK now, but does any slight connection with Britain make something eligible for your channel? And Star Trek: The Next Generation? Patrick Stewart give you the qualifier there? Clash Of The Titans, the Harry Hamlin version? You’re killing me.

More British Shows You Don’t Show: You know, it’s not Christmas really if I can’t tune-in to see who’d going to die on EastEnders. OK, I’m more a Corrie person than EastEnders, and I haven’t watched either for years. But there’s no place for your long-running soap opera in your schedule? One Top Gear slot couldn’t be lost? And maybe you could air “Have I Got News For You” here? Because yes, even Americans would find that funny.

More British Shows You DO Show: Here’s what especially ticked me off today. You tweeted about Outcasts.

I caught the beginning of Outcasts when watching Come Fly With Me this weekend (thanks for finally getting that out to us, eventually). A little of the series came on after the end. Wow, Hermione Norris in a sci-fi flick? I’m there with no Cold Feet. But I want to see the first episode I missed. So when are you playing that again?

Flip flip flip through my program guide I go. Not forever. It’s days of Doctor Who Top Gear Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare Law & Ordre UK Graham Norton until it finally gets a repeat airing tomorrow, the again on Friday. Two single solitary repeats.

Hey, I’m glad it’s being repeated, even if they are so few that the only way for me to spot them was to go online and examine your schedule. But why so much of so much else, over and over again?

Welsh Rugby: I cannot go through another year of my half-English, half-Welsh wife screaming at you for failing to bring 6 Nations matches that involve Wales into the US. Because when it comes to rugby, she’s all Welsh. And when you air English matches but not Welsh ones, she doesn’t care — nor do many other people care — that you haven’t somehow obtained the rights. They just see you and dissing Wales. So get the rights.

Listen, this is what you tell the world on in your FAQ:

BBC AMERICA is a digital cable and satellite channel dedicated to bringing audiences a new generation of award-winning television featuring razor-sharp comedies, provocative dramas, life changing makeovers and news with a uniquely global perspective. BBC AMERICA’s programming pushes the boundaries to deliver high quality, highly addictive and eminently watchable programming to viewers who demand more.

I’m sorry, endless repeats of Top Gear and Doctor Who isn’t pushing any boundaries. Showing the X-Files & Star Trek: The Next Generation just makes you Netflix with ads. I want to love you, BBC America, but I need a little more of the BBC for that to happen.