I heard the boys playing downstairs the other day, as I lay in bed, waking up on a Saturday morning. And it really came home to me more than ever. The times I’ll hear them both playing as kids, as they were, are becoming fewer and fewer. doing
Parents I’ve known over the years, those who have had children, seen them grow up and move away, say the same thing over and over again. Cherish that time you have with your kids when they’re young, because you never get that time again.
I feel that more than ever now. And more than ever, I want to spend more and more time with them. Each moment becomes more precious, because I know they’re on that cusp of becoming more independent.
On vacation last month, there was a kids club that my kids never want to do. They want to spend time with us. But after meeting another boy, my oldest declared he was going to go out that evening on an event.
“Really?” I said, half-jokingly sad but half-serious. “Well, I guess you’re all grown up and don’t need to do things with me any more.”
He, of course, protested that he loved me just as much as ever. But then he later decided he didn’t want to go out. I felt a little bad, but also a little happy, that I was still one of his best friends, in a way. That he did still want to be with me, as he would with a friend.
The other day, walking to the store, I felt his little hand grab for mine. At 12, he still wants to hold my hand, which is sweet. But then ahead, one of his friends came out of a house and said “Hi.” With a jerk, I felt my son throw my hand down, a natural enough reaction for my boy who’s soon to be a teenager.
It was both sweet and sad, at the same time. Another reminder he was growing up, which will bring great new experiences for him and I, but also the old child-like experiences going away.
Having passed his friend gone, my son quickly grabbed my hand again, without prompting, as it nothing had happened. Too often, I’d tease over such things. Instead, I just smiled to myself, happy to have my baby boy for a little bit longer.
{ 15 comments }
Danny,
I have a 3yr old boy and my wife just had our second (a baby girl) about three weeks ago. Having the second one has given me a whole new appreciation for my son and a recognition of just how big he has actually gotten and how quickly he is growing up. The time is flying by uncontrollably.
Even when he does things that drive me and wife crazy, I still sneak into his room in the middle of the night to check on him and I cant help put feel an unbelievable sense of pride in how special he is, how happy he makes us and how I just want him to stay my little boy forever.
So, I know where you are coming from
Aaron
This was a sweet post. I have a 6 month old, our first, and already I wonder where our newborn went – sitting up by himself, rolling over, giggling and laughing unprompted. Not quite as big as your boys but reading your post I could imagine myself 12 – 13 years from now and reflecting just as you.
My wife and I have one child, a three year old. Before he was born I was eagerly growing my own small business and working up the corporate ladder at the same time. Since his birth, I’ve stalled. Every unscheduled minute is spent playing and sometimes just watching him, before it would have been working or planning or planning and working.
I may someday think what I could have done with more time, but I’ll never have to regret missing my son’s childhood.
Danny,
I have three of my own ages 14, 10 and 4. While having a 4 year old at my stage in life is as we jokingly say “just how we planned it!” I am so glad to have those young child moments again.
The best thing is that as they get older you will hopefully have more and more experiences like you did where you are reassured that they need you more than anything else even at their “advanced” age. Of course, that is if everything is going well and I only pray for you and every parent that their experiences mirror yours.
Keeping them close without suffocating them is an art but a necessary and noble one because the world wants to chew them up and spit them out.
Best wishes to you and your family for continued moments throughout your entire lives together. It makes life worth living.
Danny,
I wish to be as lucky as you, I do have a son but unfortunately it is far away he live in another country with his mom. So be sure you let your kids know you’ll be their best friends forever and try to keep up the communication with them even when they becomes adult.
Sometime this year our daughter (almost 5!) completely changed from a parent-focused preschooler to an independent kid. At first I was delighted by the change – her willingness to leave my side and go off to other parts of the house alone gave me more freedom, and I felt like the things we were teaching her were really sticking.
Then one night several weeks ago we went to dinner during “kids night” at our local hangout. On kids night, the bigger kids have the opportunity to go in another room and watch a movie, do art projects, goof around, that sort of thing (supervised, of course). Normally, Eleanor gets her food from the kids’ buffet and then comes back to sit with us. But this last time, after getting her food she told me she was going into the other room to be with the other kids. She calmly walked to one of the tables, sat down between two other kids and started eating. I walked away by myself towards our “adult” table, feeling totally jazzed at how independent she has become and totally anxious and sad that this was really happening, and that she wasn’t going to be sitting right between me and Brett!
So true, Danny. After 8 years of long, long hours and working weekends in the corporate world, I felt like I barely knew my own children. It was a real shame. About a year ago, I returned to consulting and I’ve been very lucky to have much more time to spend with my children now. It has been amazing and I’m thankful for the opportunity. As you say, you never get this time back and you can’t fool yourself that you can make up the time with them in the future. All too soon they will have their own busy lives and won’t be able to make the time for you, no matter how you envision that it might be possible. Thanks for sharing.
That future is coming for me. My daughter is nearly 7 now.
I’ve engineered my life so I can spend as much time with her as possible. Your post is a great reminder to take advantage of my unique situation and make the most of it.
Thank you for sharing.
Danny,
This is the benefit of having to wait to have a
child until later in life, I’ve heard the same advice. Treasure the time you have … because it passes quickly.
With M turning 3 in November, I’m reminded of how fast even 4 years passes. Pregnancy to birth to 3 years.
And so I as I read, and write this, I’m blessed enough to know the value of the warm bundle who still wants to bring all her friends, pillows, books and fall asleep on or next to me. After all, this too shall pass. Thank God I chose this path.
While it does go by quickly and you’ll never have those same young kids back again, you can look forward to new experiences and a different kind of relationship with them as they grow. They’ll still need you when they’re teens, but in a different way. One of the best things you can do for them is allow and encourage their independence.
I too am on that cusp. Boy is 9, girl is 11, both still very much a kid. It’s funny that when we’re young we are in such a hurry to be grown up, drive a car, buy our own stuff, then when we are older we yearn for the simpler times of youth. It all goes by so fast and I know what is next, the defiant teens, no more hand-holding, can I borrow the car, see ya bye, ugh. It is a great ride and even though I want to hold on I can’t wait to see how they turn out.
Great message and very true. I choose not to travel as much as I could because I want to be there for my kids during this young age. I can’t imagine being on the road all the time and not being a part of their lives. It’s all about choices.
Nice share. Some years ago I was into reading ‘success’ books by Sam Walton, Lee Iacocca, USA Today founder Al Neuarth and others. What I remember most from each of these books is when the authors were asked, ‘What would you change if you could do it all over again?’ Everyone of these business driven tycoons answered ( I wish I would have spent more time with my family ).
My take on this is to suggest anyone take a stroll through a grave yard and read the headstones. Most are inscribed; beloved mother, loving father, sister, brother and so on.
Family endures.
This is a lovely story Danny.
Nice post, Danny. My son is now in his second year of Auburn, still making me proud as ever. He’s becoming a fine young man and I think it is because he never – not once while growing up – wondered what his mother and I thought…we were right there with him. We encouraged him to talk, even when what he said would not make us happy. We listened to him, and let him know his voice, his feelings, mattered. When my boy was younger, I spent as much time with him as I could. As he grew into his teens and needed (and wanted) me around less, I ramped up the work and just stayed available – but there were many times when I was simply not the guy he wanted to hang out with any more. It is bittersweet to watch, but it is supplanted by the pride of seeing someone emerge with a strong sense of self, someone with a moral compass. You got the right idea though – just stay in there, and keep extending your hand…they’ll grab it when they need it.
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